Sunday, August 29, 2010

33 things that may or may not have turned me on.

if there is one thing i cant stand, its when those guy magazines such as zoo, men's health, etc. GET IT WRONG. The girl magazine seem to get it right more often, proven by my boyfriend reading them and agreeing to 90% of them or saying "you should do that" Here is the artcile of 33 sex tips to turn her on, and underneath each what i think of they're pathetic little ideas. :)

#1 Buy Her a Silk Thong
A gift of lingerie is cliched, right? So twist it. Give it to her when you (seemingly) don't expect sex right then and there. Pass it under the table at a restaurant and ask her to go to the ladies' room and change into it. "It's a little naughty, but she has a chance to play back," says Joy Davidson, Ph.D., a relationship therapist in Seattle. Not recommended for a first date.

if anyone gives me a thong at a restaurant, i will probably throw it in their face, punch them in the head and storm out.

#2 Embrace Her Until She Ends It
Good kissing tops most women's lists of turn-ons, but don't underestimate the heating power of a great hug, especially when she initiates it. "Let her know how much you savor it," says Lou Paget, author of 365 Days of Sensational Sex. Make it clear you don't want the hug to end.

okay you got that one, i love a good hug.

#3 Say Her Name
Women love to hear men use their names. The more unexpected the place—like in the middle of a sentence—the better. Better still, write her name on your shoulder, your hand, or anyplace she'll have a chance of spotting it. It's a tattoo without pain—one that gives only pleasure. "It will make her laugh and think you're so adorable," says Davidson. "It says, 'You matter.' "

please dont go writing my name on you, thats creepy and little high school stuff.

#4 Whisper into Her Ear
In public, at a party, tell her what you want to do to her later: "Tonight, I'm going to make you have as many orgasms as possible." For women, anticipating it can be as exciting as the actual event

how about just do the actual event instead of talking yourself up for something you might fail at? yeah.

#5 Skip the Flowers
Blooms at the office are overdone. If you want to stand out, send a card instead. "It's really the thoughtful things you do at nonsexual times that make a woman want you," says Paul Joannides, author of Guide to Getting It On! Go with a thank-you. Write out a few things you've never thanked her for—making breakfast on Sunday, cleaning your stubble out of the sink. An appreciated woman during the day is an appreciative woman at night.

Or you could just clean your own stubble and make your own breakfast. or better yet, make yourself breakfast and make me one too. that's much better than follow and your stupid thank you cards.

#6 Plant a Picture
Stash a photo of her in your wallet. She'll deny it, but all women rummage at some point. You might as well turn it to your advantage.

that's nice of you to have a photo, but in the time ive been with my boyfriend ive never looked in his wallet. i wouldnt have a clue whats in there. so honestly i would notice.

#7 Say Why
Anyone can say, "I love you," so explain why. Maybe it's the way she nibbles at a KitKat, or how her nose scrunches when she drinks tequila. The more unique your reasons, the more special she'll feel.

well i would love to know why you love me.. so yes course this will work, cause anyone can say i love you but it takes someone who really loves you to know why.

#8 Get Your Story Straight
For a happy ending (tonight and every night), remember the beginning: the details of your first meeting—where you were, what she was wearing, what you said, and how you felt. Recount them. Often.

i dont need all the details, but yeah where we met, but honestly can that be that hard to remember? if you're gonna start remembering what i was wearing from 2 years ago, i may be a little creeped out.

#9 Make Yourself Sick
Leave love notes around the house—in the fridge, on the bathroom mirror, under her pillow. That much sweetness might make you nauseous, but it'll make her feel like a lovesick teenager.

Why dont you buy yourself some tampons and sulk like a little girl? Cause that would annoy the shit out of me if there were that many and make me sick.

#10 Apply Her Lipstick
"Grooming a woman is kind of a role reversal," says Linda De Villers, Ph.D., a California sex therapist and author of Love Skills: A Fun, Upbeat Guide to Sex-cessful Relationships. "She's being doted on and served, and it shows that you think a certain part of her body is attractive." Other ideas: Shave her legs, paint her toenails, or brush or wash her hair. According to a poll of 3,200 men, 76 percent said they have shampooed their woman's hair.

Okay too far, way too far. i can understand shampooing hair, but no, nothing else. I can do it myself thanks and i know what im doing too.

#11 Kiss and Lick Her Hinges
You've got the obvious kiss spots covered. Now concentrate your efforts elsewhere—on her elbows, knees, shoulders, ankles, neck, and hip joints. "They're rarely attended to with long caresses," says Davidson. "It's a super sensation." See if you can make her come unhinged.

I do like being kissed everywhere, so yes that would work.

#12 Bear Fruit
Chocolate syrup and whipped cream get all the kinky play in movies. Instead, turn her body into a juicer. "The best foods for sex are fruits that you can rub onto the body, such as soft mango or papaya," says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., Ed.D., a sex therapist in California and author of 12 Steps to Everlasting Love. "Then devour both her and the fruit." Get sticky, shower, repeat. If you're Mickey Rourke, skip the shower.

I dont think i like the idea of having food on me, but maybe i'd give it a go. Alright for this one.

#13 And Berries
Forget coffee and toast—bring hot chocolate (a sexual stimulant for her) and raspberries and strawberries to bed. The berries replenish the zinc you lose when you ejaculate—5 milligrams, or a third of your daily requirement.

mm, kay.

#14 Try the No-Move Move
When you start foreplay, tell her you're not going to move on to another action until she tells you what to do next. This works physically and mentally: It's a way to encourage her to open up and direct you to what she really wants. Now, your turn.

i know this works, but i find it hard. Though it does work

#15 Give Her a Massage
But make it interesting:
•In hot weather, roll a chilled can of soda along the backs of her thighs.
•In cool weather, warm a towel in the microwave for 10 seconds and massage her with it.
•Season her belly with a little salt, and then slowly lick it off. Add tequila to taste.
•Turn winter gloves inside out, put them on, and massage her with the soft side.

mmmm, massage. could so go one right now.

#16 Give Her Chills
"Cold is sensed by more nerve endings than mere touch can reach, so you're expanding her range of response," says Phillip Hodson, a British sex therapist. Do this: Chill a bunch of grapes for at least 20 minutes. Then trail a small sprig of them along her neck, nipples, and inner thighs. Nibble away. Now put a grape in your mouth and gently press it against her clitoris by holding it in your teeth or between your lips.


#17 Come Clean
Here's a master class in the notoriously tricky art of bath sex. Start by slinging in a generous quantity of bath gel, advises Anne Hooper, a sex therapist and author of Ultimate Sex Guide. Fill the tub with 5 inches of hot water, then pour more foaming bath gel onto your bellies, chests, and legs. Have her lie on top of you and use her body as a scrub brush. To add to the fun, throw in a set of Rub-a-Dub Dice—floating foam cubes that, when "rolled," reveal sexy commands like "sponge belly" or "kiss back"—or a Rubba Ducky, a vibrating bath massager you'll both enjoy. Both are available at

again, interesting.

#18 Rub Her Down
For extra shower power, pour a couple of drops of shower gel into a spray bottle and mix it with water. Spray her, then rub. She'll feel three different types of stimulation—the steady pelting of the shower, the soft spray of the soapy gel, and the firm caresses of your hands. That's the kind of threesome that turns her on

yeah, true thats the kind of threesome that turns me on. not the girl with another girl.

#19 Make a Bedroom Burrito
Bondage is appealing for a good reason: It heightens the anticipation for the one who's receiving the pleasure. But anything with locks, Velcro, or ties can freak her out (us, too), so try this: While you're rolling around in bed, wrap her up in the sheet so she can't do anything with her arms (think burrito or straitjacket). Leave her head, shoulders, and lower legs uncovered. Now kiss every inch of exposed skin. It's simple, spontaneous, and soft-core.

i like to move my arms and i dont like being put it a straitjacket. kay thanks you stupid idea

#20 Blindfold Yourself
Many women who are insecure about their bodies stick to the missionary position because you can't see their bodies that way. If you really can't see her because your eyes are covered, she'll do a lot more with you, to you, and for you.

nah actually i would prefer you look at me to prove that you like my body, thats going to make me feel less insecure about my body.

#21 Ask Permission
Before you enter her, ask if it's okay. "Some women find it incredibly endearing," says Barnaby Barratt, Ph.D., president of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. "It gives them a sense of respect. It gives them the security to become more sexually relaxed." And when you're first entering her, kiss her lips or caress her face. "Give her stimulation in addition to penetration," De Villers says

yeahh, guys should learn to do that. but if you're doing it everytime, it gets boring and old. but still for the times when it seems necessary, then yes, ask permission.

#22 Practice Reentry
After you first enter her, do it again—slowly. Repeat it over and over. "One of the huge turn-ons is anticipation," De Villers says. "Don't pull out all the way, but when you pull almost all the way out, she gets the anticipation of the stroke that comes back in."

mmm, yeah.

#23 Do It in Public
Or just pretend. Exhibitionism is a secret thrill for many women, but the threat of arrest deters them. So have sex standing up, with her near the bedroom window. It's easy to duck out of the way. If she's semiclothed, your neighbors will be none the wiser.

or yeah maybe not? i dont want a fine thanks, and i dont want anyone seeing that. idiot

#24 Blow Bubbles
Take a swig of champagne before going down, then use your tongue to swirl the bubbles around her clitoris. Nerve endings react to bubbles. In a very good way.

mmm, nothing says sexy like yeast infection.

#25 Use the Cottons Cycle
"The washing machine is the biggest vibrator in the house," says Hodson. Sit on it and have her sit on top of you—the vibrations carry through your penis. Cottons get the longest, fastest spin.

could be interesting! ;)

#26 Go into the Closet
Novelty is an aphrodisiac. Any unusual setting, with strange sensations, smells, and muffled sounds, will make sex feel new. Confined spaces add urgency. "They're great for a quickie," says sex therapist Louanne Cole Weston. Watch that shoe tree!

my current closet could not be comfortable for sex, though if i remember my parents walk in they use to have, well then yes that would work.

#27 Work the Angle
Liberator Shapes velvet cushions create an "orgasm-optimum" 26-degree pelvic tilt, which means maximum contact between your body and her clitoris, and minimum demands for foreplay. Feel free to adjust the angle slightly—there's evidence that 27 degrees works as well.

mm, kay.

#28 Or Call a Squeeze Play
With her facedown and you on top, have her cross her legs, and position yours outside of hers. Her vagina will feel tighter, and the added friction means more pleasure.

mm, kay.

#29 Get Bigger
When you're on top, place her legs over your shoulders. This shortens her vaginal canal, so your penis feels bigger inside her.

good for the small guys, HA. but yeah, kay.

#30 Stand by Your Woman
For better from-behind sex, have her kneel on the edge of the bed with her upper chest touching the mattress. This elongates the vaginal barrel, making it feel tighter. You get a fantastic view, and she'll enjoy the nipple stimulation from rubbing the mattress.

mm, kay

#31 Make It Easy
For oral sex, stand while your partner kneels or sits on the bed. This angle lets her take more of you, gives her better control, and is less tiring

mm, kay

#32 Let Her Give You a Pearl Necklace
But not a real one. Lightly lubricate the pearls and your penis. Have your partner wrap the pearls around the shaft and slowly stroke up and down with a gentle rotation. The beads feel warm and smooth, creating a new level of sensation.

i would be scared of hurting them but hey, thats me. how does that turn women on anyway? i thought this was meant to be about turning women on.

#33 Direct a Fan at Her
Then pour peppermint schnapps into her belly button, dip your fingers and tongue, and trace her body.

and that does what exactly?

so all up, i found 18/33 would actually 'turn me on', thats a bit of a fail effort just there. and towards the end, it just starting talking about position, you gotta be turned on for wanting to even get in those positions. SILLY PEOPLE.

sincerely, saraagh elise ♥

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